I don't even want you back
I just want to know
I didn’t believe them. They tried to warn me when they said life wouldn’t be automatically solved the moment I fell in love with someone who loved me, but I didn’t believe them. I thought I would be different, or maybe I thought my wound at not having experienced the type of love I wanted was too deep, and after healing it I would never feel pain again. I wouldn’t care about not having enough money, because I would have enough love. I wouldn’t care about being less successful than other writers since the only reason I cared about success anyway was because I was fed up with caring about a love I couldn’t have. I wouldn’t, most of all, care about what former men of my storied past thought about me, and I specifically wouldn’t spend any more energy wondering why it was that they hadn’t chosen me, because this hypothetical love of mine had.
I met my boyfriend before turning 30, something I had feared when I was younger but I ended up apprecia…